Letting in, letting be and letting go
So it is clear that if our beliefs, assumptions and reactions are based on experience, then we need to change our
experiences in order to change our reactions.
Letting in, letting be and letting go will create new experiences opposite to the programmed beliefs and decisions that you made about yourself. They will override the beliefs that undermine you, as they are the result of a
memory that has, thus far, limited your life. They are, in short, feelings of experiences in unconscious memory, which are constantly repeating themselves. They can be overruled by new experiences and new memories.
Let go of worrying about other people’s opinion of you.
Let go of wanting to be right all the time.
Let go of measuring your worth by your achievements.
Let go of seeking love.
Let go of comparing yourself to anyone.
Let go of pleasing people.
Let go of suffering.
Let go of your desire to change the world.
The human brain develops and functions through its relationship with other human beings. When we are very young, our development depended on the quality of our relationship with the people who took care of us. We grow and develop through relationships. Our brain is social, and it cannot function alone. We are built to connect with others.
According to the ways we have been able to grow and develop, each of us has an internal working model which we use to connect with people in our lives.
We may ask ourselves who am I? Do I deserve to be loved, touched, and to be treated with kindness and respect? The way we answer these and other questions depend on this internal model that we have unconsciously constructed for ourselves on how to connect with people.
How do we feel about other people? Do we feel comfortable and safe or are they threatening figures that connect us with former feelings of rejection, pain and abandonment?
According to these models built in our early years, we then create and destroy, admit yet do not allow, attract and yet repel all other future relationships in our lives.
But, there is hope, and everything can be fixed.
During our courses we separate people into two groups and do an exercise to show them how war started within us and how it`s reflected in the outside world. Human beings are not able to face their own violence and admit that it exists. And because we cannot do it, we invent ideas on how to change it. But ideas are not facts. If we can face the fact that violence exists within us, if we can observe it without taking any action, and without judgement, it will disappear.
When I work with people and someone has done something they do not like, it comes as that person asking me how they can change it? I say right from the very beginning, you will ask this question many times, and I will not answer, but people still ask it. But how can we change something with the same consciousness that created it? Can we, when we have a conflict with others, stop, feel and observe the war inside us?
We fail to come together and talk about the things that are happening inside us, and the war that is within us, we try to block it out. This is why, since the creation of mankind until today, we have never been able to stop this war because we are trying to do it from the outside. And the problem is not outside, it’s inside us.
Life is a reality to be experienced and not a project or problem to be solved intellectually. Our intellect needs conclusions and ideas but we have become slaves to them. Our intellect needs to analyze and see how things have come together, but in the process we run the risk of not seeing beyond systems, methods or formulas. To be conscious is the journey toward appreciating our lives now and finding our essence. Although even the words ‘finding our essence’ can be misleading because we are already in our essence and we cannot search outside for it because it is here and now; it is in the immediate moment of consciousness. Let us explore this most unique journey that has no destination, in order to appreciate our lives now and live from our essence consciously.
Being with your children is more important than what you teach them
By being with them, you show them how to be with other people. You don`t need to turn your child into a high achieving machine. Instead of investing time trying to turn your child from ‘Human Being’ to ‘Human Doing’ just spend time with them.
When they grow up and meet somebody, they’ll feel that they deserve to be with their partner. They will not try to achieve many things in order to feel worthy, they will not try to ‘impress’ their partner.
Do you belong to anyone? No one belongs to anyone, no one manages anyone. When you begin a relationship without demands, someone will come and take that place in your life unconditionally. That’s when you begin experiencing peace and happiness.
Our past and our childhood memories are revealed in every aspect of our lives; they are almost written on our faces and expressed in our voices and actions. We can see that all our beliefs derive from our early lives and were influenced by the relationship we had with our parents and by the collective energy field of the people among whom we lived. We have learned through generations of conditioning how to survive. We unconsciously define who we are by our reactions and interactions in relationships. We have developed the character of who we think we are. We have lived in this conditioned protective character – our Protector – as if in a trance. The journey now is to use our Protector as the vehicle of our awakening.
First of all we need to understand – what is success?
It is one word – it is results. That`s all. If you achieve results, you succeed. It`s very simple.
How did I succeed? Here is a little story to make things easier to explain.
I was doing a seminar in Romania and there was a woman who came to a talk. And she said to me “Tell me how did you succeed? How did you become rich? How did you do this?” and I made a joke of it. I said “If you do the seminar, I will tell you!”
So she traveled a long way, she came to the seminar and she did the seminar, and she’s waiting of course, to ask something. On the last day she put her hand up and said “You promised to tell me – how did you succeed?”
There were about 200 people in the room and I stopped for a moment and I suddenly realized how I succeeded – because of her and her question. I told everybody “because nobody gave me anything.” I looked at the room and the room was quiet for a full five minutes. Everybody was in shock, including me. Then I realized that the secret to my success is that nobody gave me anything.
I learned how to give it to myself. It doesn’t mean I didn’t receive support. But there’s a mindset I now have, that I can actually create anything, and I don’t have to rely on anyone.
I want to make it clear, because I support people to learn how to receive support. This is different. I think success requires effort and while everybody is sleeping at night I’m awake. When you look at someone rich and successful may be you think “Oh my God they have all this! They should give me some!” or “Why I am not like that?”
But we don’t know what happened to these people. Maybe they had sleepless nights, maybe they worked all night, maybe they worked 24 hours a day.
When you watch an actor on television who expresses a feeling that really impresses you or speaks very naturally and grabs you, you don’t realise what this actor had to go through to get there and be able to do that.
And a metaphor to use is every shot in a film, each minute can take a whole day, but we only see the final product.
So basically, success requires effort.
I say to parents don`t be afraid to say ‘no’ to your children. Don`t be afraid, because the damage is worse if you don’t say ‘no’ to them, if they do something wrong.
This is something that we deal with on the course a lot. You can say anything to anybody with love. And you can say anything to anybody with aggression.
The reason we cannot say things to people with love is because we are very afraid: “I`m afraid in case my child doesn’t love me anymore, so I`m very anxious when I tell them ‘no’, or I tell them off about something they have done and I feel very guilty”. This is the most confusing thing parents can do to their children.
All you need to say to the child is “the consequences of what you have done is this, and the consequences of what you want to do is this.” And the child can see the consequences by themselves, without us doing anything else.
We were brought up to love conditionally. Loving conditionally means that if I tell my child “I will buy you a present only if you are good, only if you do your homework, only, only, only”. We’re going to give it to them anyway. But we’re using these excuses, because we’re trying to control them, because we’ve lost our authority. We’re using the power of control to tell them what we want them to do and drive them with something else.
It is better if you want to give something to your child, don’t make any conditions, just say “I want to give you this, because I love you.”
When you ask your child to do something they will respect and honour your authority as a parent. But if you play games with them “only do this, because of this” you end up breaking your word anyway, because you will give it to them sooner or later, the children will not respect you. It is very important for families, especially children, to learn to respect the parents authority. All of us need guidance, and we need older people to guide us, and to direct us in life. If we don`t have that we grow up like children ourselves, because we become rebellious.
Not many children respect their parents anymore, because their parents cannot keep their word. You can say ‘no’ to your children with love and respect, and your children will respect you. Use consequences, not threats.
Can you say ‘yes’ to your past? It’s only then that you can really be free. But how can we manage to say YES fully and be at peace?
‘Feeling ourselves is the way to cure the past
We need to develop the ability to explore, uncover, expose and observe all the hidden dynamics within ourselves, our families and our cultures in order to reveal our internal model of reality and how it makes us perceive the world in the way we do. Understanding ourselves is the cure. If we don’t we will gravitate towards re-creating the same situations we experienced in the past and we will fail, repeatedly, in our attempts to create the opposite of the past.
Real freedom comes from within us and is not dependent on others. We can be set free from seeing ourselves as being merely a product of our past if we allow ourselves to feel the past, rather than just talking about being free from it. People who are forever talking about seeking freedom are often trapped in the prison of their un-felt past and are trying to escape it through describing it and forming conclusions about something that actually no longer exists.’
Every difficult choice is a gift for you. Every choice is a message, to tell you: “Choose You. Choose to be free.”
If you have unfinished business in your life, don`t wait until it`s too late, it needs to be addressed early. When you understand this, you will take more responsibility for your life. The best gift I received in my life is to learn that my choices are within myself, not on the outside. When I`m peaceful enough inside, even if I have to choose one thing only, I`m not choosing from fear, I`m not choosing from a place of “what happens to me if it goes wrong”. I am choosing to be free. You make choices, or the choices will make you.